Over thinking again

I'm 3 weeks into my school term and it has been awesome so far. Haven't been studying much but my Lord has been faithful. However, I think it's time I get down to serious business. I can't possibly be lazing and watching my dramas all day long.

Approximately a month back, I quit my job as a part time barista in Starbucks. Ever since then, my life had been so carefree till a point where I felt unproductive. Yes, the sense of freedom was beyond awesome but this also meant I had so much time for myself (since Yc enlisted as well). I literally led a sloth life except for attending school. At certain point of time, I was contemplating to work in ice cream/Frolick stall. I am still pondering over this decision but I don't want regret anything as well. Everything that has happened so far, only points back to the fact that I am absolutely good in making excuses. It just suddenly dawn upon me that I make excuses for so many things in life. In the things that I want to do but blame my circumstances or blame possibly anything that seems legit enough. STAHPPPP TRICIA!!! Time to shake myself out of this really bad habit I have unconsciously relished in life.

Besides this point, as you don't already know, my thoughts they are drifters. I often spent my time thinking about the ideals, the nasty and the sad. This time I spent my time walloping in sorrow over trust in love. I have always wanted to get married in a young age and establish a family of my own. However right now, I am not as steadfast in my opinion anymore. In life, there are too many (probable) setbacks that one can face and I am not sure if I can stand up after a fall especially pertaining to love. Being in this relationship, I feel so vulnerable and emotional these days. Maybe because my other half is near perfect and I am not. Trust is pertinent in a relationship. In the past, I always thought of trust as common consensus between each other but as we grow older, change is in us and the environment. Who am I to bring another's surrounding to a halt, hoping that everything will be same, the people you meet would be stagnated. When someone seem so perfect to you, the doubts become easier. 

Not saying that I don't trust Yc but we all know that anything can happen. I am grappling with trust issue although nothing has happened between us. Maybe I am fearful of the future now, just 10 years down the road. How would  my life be like? 

Depressing thoughts. Sigh.